Bad Drivers and Other Annoying People

I hate bad drivers. Trouble is, now that I live in New Jersey, and can no longer use subways and buses as I did in New York City, I am forced to deal with them on a regular basis. It's compounded that I live in a state where you have to make a "jughandle" turn...and all too often, one doesn't know if the jughandle turn is from the right or the left lane. No wonder people suffer from road rage. Here's (another) list of the biggest offenses that drive me (okay, so it's really only a short putt) crazy:

1. Passing on the right. Especially when I am in the left lane and traveling at or about 5 miles (my personal maximum) over the speed limit. Are you exempt from the law?
2. Failure to use a turn signal. Especially when changing lanes. Especially when illegally passing on the right.
3. Monopolizing the left lane as a travel lane, especially when traveling at speeds LOWER than the posted speed limit. Are you that oblivious to other drivers on the road? Or are you just that self-righteous that you think you can set the appropriate speed limit?
4. Failure to yield right of way. Especially when it's clearly posted to "Yield". Especially to pedestrians.
5. Failure to use headlights when windshield wipers are in use.
6. Texting and talking on cellphones. Period. EVEN with hands free devices, because you're simply not paying attention to driving.
7. Stopping past the white line...especially into the crosswalk. "Cheating up." Blocking the box. Honking from behind when I refuse to block the box.
8. Driving in the "lane ends" lane, and speeding up to pass the adjacent lane cars, instead of merging in behind the car that was ahead.
9. Driving a vehicle that is too large to handle. Yep, that's all you soccer Mom's driving those SUV's that you can't see the four fenders of, and your lack of knowledge in using your mirrors correctly. It goes along with my distaste of conspicuous consumerism. Yes, I see you all in your SUV's at the local Whole Foods. Without your reusable shopping bags.
10. Thinking simply because you drive a big vehicle, you have right of way.
11. Straddling lanes, again, because that vehicle you're driving is too big for you to handle.
12. Not staying in your own lane when turning.
13. Failure to move into the center lane of the highway when no one is there, thus not allowing entering traffic to merge onto travel lanes.
14. Bicyclists who do NOT follow vehicular rules. Yes, those rules apply to YOU too! You travel with the flow of traffic, and you follow traffic signals, among other things. But I guess you're the ones turning without using signals, so what can I expect here?
15. Drivers who are not careful around cyclists, be it bicyclists or motorcyclists.
16. I know it's rush hour. I know you can't travel several car lengths behind me. Ever hear of the 2 second rule? Make it three if it's just started to rain. And turn your cruise control off.
17. Road ragers who swear at law abiding citizens because they THINK they have some entitlement to the road over others.
18. Drivers who are "too nice." A very nice little old man stopped his car in the middle of an intersection to motion me to turn in front of him. I didn't have right of way. He didn't see the car coming from my right that would have hit us both had I proceeded at his request. I am also certain the driver of the car behind him was annoyed that he stopped when he shouldn't have.
19. Illegal turns. Of any kind. Without using your turn signal. Especially here in Jersey, the home of the "jughandle."
20. Drivers who don't pull over for emergency vehicles. Or funeral processions. Especially those who use the opportunity to pass everyone who do.

Despite a challenging career in health care, having a newly licensed teenager AND my 81 year old in-laws who both have serious health issues, living with us, not seeing my beloved husband enough (we work different shifts), my blood pressure is NORMALLY lower than that of my peers. But every time I go to the doctor, she wants to start me on antihypertensives. I had to go so far as to monitor my blood pressure at home and at work for a month to prove to her that it's driving to her office that raises my blood pressure.

Helena Bucket

Written in Cora, Wyoming, August - December, 1982. Words by John Perry Barlow, music by Bob Weir. Copyright Ice Nine Publishing.


Well I was drinking last night with a biker
And I showed him a picture of you
I said, "Pal, get to know her. You'll like her,"
Seemed like the least I could do.

'Cause when he's driving his chopper
Up and down your carpeted halls
You will think me by contrast quite proper
Never mind how I stumble and fall.
Never mind how I stumble and fall.

You imagine me sipping champagne from your boot
For a taste of your elegant pride
I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe,
But at least I'm enjoying the ride.
At least I'm enjoying the ride.
At least I'm enjoying the ride.

Now miss sweet little soft core pretender
Somehow baby got hard as it gets
With her black leather chrome spiked suspenders,
Her chair and her whip and her pets.

Well we all know you're the reincarnation
Of the ravenous Catherine the Great.
And we all know you love your ovations
For the Z-rated scenes you create.
For the Z-rated scenes you create.

You analayze me, pretend to despise me,
You laugh when I stumble and fall.
There may come a day when I dance on your grave,
If unable to dance I will crawl across it,
Unable to dance, I'll still crawl.

You must really consider the circus
'Cause it just might be your kind of zoo
I can't think of a place that's more perfect
For a person as perfect as you.

And it's not like I'm leaving you lonely
'Cause I wouldn't know where to begin
But I know that you'll think of me only
When the snakes come marching in.
When the snakes come marching in.

Another List - I am unable to take credit for as well. I don't know who to give credit to for this one. I'll be happy to publish that info if it can be cited.

1. Leave the (fill in the blank) that makes you miserable.
2. For one month, accept every invitation that comes your way.
3. Be a 7 day drop-out. Do without all the usual things you normally do: work, TV, MP3, Blackberry, cell phone...etc.
4. Reveal yourself.
5. Ski a steeper hill (challenge yourself).
6. Call a friend with whom you've lost touch or had a falling out with.
7. Trust a stranger.
8. Cut off all your hair.
9. Purge your possessions.
10. Buy 100 shares of stock.
11. Buy 12 new things a year.
12. Commit to someone flawed.
13. Speak your mind.
14. Heed your inner urges.
15. Buck the trend.
16. Travel somewhere new - ALONE.
17. Tell someone important to you how much they mean to you
18. Dare to pursue a dream.
19. When you sense danger - SCREAM.
20. Forgive someone.

Lists

I love lists. I make them, I read them. I am fascinated by them. They bring order to my life, they allow me to take stock. I wish I could take credit for this one, but I cant. This list is authored by Melina Genosa in her "The Fun Book: 102 Ways for Girls to Have Some" published by Simon and Schuster, 1998.

100 things to Do in a Lifetime

1. Buy a gorgeous evening dress without an event in mind.
2. Build the dollhouse you never had as a kid.
3. Buy a chaise lounge and spend an afternoon relaxing on it.
4. Buy a Wonderbra.
5. Take an art history course and make the pilgrimage to your favorite painting or sculpture.
6. Rent the Godfather trilogy. Open a bottle of Chianti and order pizza for delivery.
7. Plan your dream vacation, down to the last detail. Open a secret bank account and start saving.
8. Learn to tango, salsa, merengue.
9. Celebrate New Year's Eve in Times Square.
10. Swim with a dolphin.
11. Get a massage.
12. Learn how to apologize.
13. Make one improvement in your diet.
14. Spend an entire day without plans.
15. Learn to play the guitar, piano, kazoo (insert whatever you want to learn to play here).
16. Go on a cruise. Stand on the deck and toast the sunset (or sunrise).
17. Go camping. Toast s'mores.
18. Buy beautiful stationary and write someone a heartfelt letter.
19. Get involved with a cause.
20. Paint your bathroom sun-drenched yellow.
21. Get a makeover at a cosmetics counter before going to a party.
22. Drive a convertible sports car along a coastal highway.
23. Try Yoga.
24. Learn to change the tires (or oil) in your car.
25. Go skinny dipping.
26. Invest in a good camera. Take a photography course.
27. Stargaze from the top of a mountain.
28. Have a bonfire on the beach. Bundle up in blankets and tell ghost stories. Bonus for being on the beach in August, during the Perseid meteor showers.
29. Learn to knit. Make your beloved a scarf. Or sweater. Make yourself a scarf or sweater.
30. Stop blaming your parents.
31. Go to a green grocer and try all the fruits you've never eaten.
32. Commit to your spiritual life.
33. Try a new sport. Take a ski lesson, kayaking lesson, in-line skating, golf, learn to swim.
34. Start a book club and read at least three great works of literature.
35. Buy a new perfume.
36. Try at least one food you hated as a child.
37. Teach yourself to prepare one dish from an ethnic cuisine you've never tackled.
38. Start a daily journal.
39. Pay off all your credit cards. Live within your means.
40. Spend a Sunday reading the paper from cover to cover.
41. Learn the lyrics to a song you've always loved.
42. Put your photos into albums.
43. Volunteer for your community. Convince a friend to do it with you.
44. Fill your pantry with essentials...chocolate and champagne. Get snowed in.
45. Go to a wine tasting party, picky your favorite variety and keep in on hand.
46. Go to the Smithsonian and see Dorothy's red slippers.
47. Send a man flowers.
48. Host a girls only slumber party, put on PJ's and stay up late. Do this in a fancy hotel if possible.
49. Bike through the countryside in the Autumn.
50. Plant a tree on your child's birthday and note it's growth each year.
51. Get to your ideal weight. Better yet, get to your "happy weight"
52. Write a letter to your grandchildren to be read 50 years from now, detailing your life. Keep it with your important papers.
53. Train for and enter a sporting event for fun.
54. Tell you Mom and Dad you love them.
55. Shoot a roll of Black and White film and have the pictures developed in sepia tones. Or hand color them.
56. Really get your financial affairs in order - life insurance, IRA's, will.
57. Stop beating yourself up.
58. Buy yourself (insert that something special you've been yearning for). Enjoy it.
59. Look up your best friend from 5th grade and give her a call.
60. Splurge on beautiful wine glasses.
61. Change your haircolor.
62. Buy stock in your favorite company.
63. Go to a karaoke bar and sing that favorite tune you've been practicing in the shower all your adult life.
64. Buy flowers for yourself.
65. Create a time capsule.
66. Bake chocolate chip cookies and send to a friend just because.
67. Clean your closets. If you haven't worn something in the past year, pack it up for charity.
68. Plant flower boxes.
69. Learn how to make the perfect toast for any occasion.*
70. Wear sunscreen every day.
71. Stand up for yourself.
72. Write down your goal of where you want to be in five years, in your career, you personal life, etc. Be as detailed as possible. Envision it. Live it.
73. Give yourself permission to (fill in the blank).
74. Learn to meditate. Do it.
75. Buy an antique to bring something from the last century into this one.
76. Keep a journal to count your blessings.
77. Take your best friend out to an extravagant lunch, dinner, whatever.
78. Ask for that promotion at work.
79. Memorize your favorite love poem, recite it to someone you love.
80. Find an exercise you can commit to three days a week.
81. Write your siblings a letter telling them how much you love them. Fill it with funny memories.
82. Go berry picking. Learn to make the perfect pie crust.
83. Get season tickets for baseball, basketball, football. Take a kid.
84. Have your astrological chart done.
85. Drive across the country. Blast your favorite music on the radio.
86. Hug more.
87. Quit smoking. For GOOD.
88. Quit complaining.
89. Give people a second chance.
90. Slow down.
91. Buy something made of cashmere.
92. FLOSS.
93. Work less, laugh more.
94. Start Christmas shopping in July.
95. Write a letter to your favorite teacher.
96. Let the answering machine pick up...at least during dinner.
97. Listen. Really listen.
98. Sing in the car.
99. Become a Big Sister or Mentor.
100. LIVE WITH PASSION.

I figure I've done, or continue to do, at least 75% of the things on this list. I happily came to that realization the first time I read this list. Some are a way of life, not just "been there, done that". Some of the things I haven't done simply because I never had the desire to. Life is good.

*refer to "Last Minute Speeches and Toasts" written by my friend, Andrew Frothingham, for tips on how to make the perfect toast.